Tolerant
by Sadistic Spirit
Summary: It was a silly hope she held on to, maybe someday she'd see him here. Met him and tell him how those were not the last words she had meant to say to him. Touka's thought interpretation in chapter 143


I was experimenting on something when I ended up with this... One shot. I thought about writing up to the time when Touka and Yomo decides to open ;Re but never really got around it.

It was ridiculous how her feet would lead her here regardless of how much Yoma-san told her not to. Her home. It was gone and things were rough for them ever since CCG went gung-ho on Anteiku. It sucked. Really. Plain and simple. She didn't even have enough strength to curse her life as much as she wanted. It felt as though she had been thrust in this robotic mood. Listening to Yomo-san, following him like a lost puppy she was and simply stop thinking. Irony was that He was like her too. He'd lost his home and was simply surviving on his instincts, which were way too good at their job as they had yet to die.

How it had gotten so _wrong so fast_  
She wasn't going to school anymore. It was impossible. Yoriko knew, and most of her 'Friends' knew that she worked in Antieku. They'd know. And if she disappeared right now, she might just be considered an unfortunate human who worked at a cafe which was really, really so much more than it seemed. It was better, she decided, being considered dead and human rather than people thanking god that she didn't have them for dinner.

The room they were renting wasn't even close to the home they had lost. It was located in the slums: furthest away from all and every cleaned part of the city. It's infrastructure on the brink of collapsing, the room itself was too small and consisted of broken pieces of useless wood, once called furniture and an out of place over sized bed. It had one bathroom with a stench so strong and a sight so _disgusting_ which made her decided that she would rather have oily hair and her small masked with detergents than to go in there again.  
But this was all they could do at the moment.  
Tight on money, heavy heart and the fear of CCG had forced them to go into hiding. To take such extreme measures as caution.

She was tired of being the victim though.

This war had dragged on for too long and for what?

A life she never wished to have?  
A **_Burden _**she never wanted to carry?

and she had lost everything to it.  
Her mother, of whom she remembered so little of because she was taken from her so so earlier when the concept of death hadn't been even clear to her, and her father of whom she remembered even the tiniest details as he was taken from her too. How the unfairness of the situation pained her and had changed her kind, so kind brother. How he had drowned, lost himself and embraced the pain and turned it into a flame of vengeance. How he had left her, abandoned her, when she tried to live normally. She than thought of the old man, his gentleness and how he had given her an opportunity to experience everything that kids her age went through. How he was dead and she lost her home alongside with him and the ones who she had started to consider her family.

A-make-believe family but nevertheless just as important as her real one. She wanted to blame them, the humans but found that she couldn't. There was no point in screaming '_damn those CCG bastards_' because really, were they the bad guys? So she found herself, instead. Because carrying guilt was much easier than carrying _hatred_.  
Standing here in front of the rubble of her _home_, her face hidden amidst the crowd, its bricks with haunted memories, which were being so merciless tossed aside by humans who had no idea of how much they meant to her. She'd feel tears threatening to burst from her eye sockets.

_Whywhywhy_

Why was she always left to pick up whatever pieces of her heart she could salvage after it broke again, and again and again? Why did everyone in her life lie and told her that things would be okay, that they wouldn't leave but than just went up and left? All those questions would take up a new route itself and drag his face, his smile, his cold hands hoisting her up answering her plea with such confidence and _promise_, in to her mind.

He won't. Leave her.  
But then he did. After what? Twenty minutes?  
She wasn't angry. Not with him. Feeling herself enshrouded with this hopelessness and realizing how lost she was, she couldn't blame him for changing. The truth was that he emhad/em to change. Because the world wouldn't leave a white rosé so beautiful and innocent unstained for long. He emhad/em to change, to survive. She wished that she had known this. That she hadn't been so caught up in her anger towards him for making himself _suffer_ for so so long. Much longer than he needed when he just could have come back home.

And that would lead to an entirely different fight within herself between her treacherous mind screamed that it was hopeless to hope that he was still out there, breathing and her heart which knew better to believe in him, knew that somehow he'd find his way home.

Then she'd remember that there was no home left. And this left her breathless and drained from whatever energy she still had left.

Would things get better? No, no they wouldn't. There was no better; just endurable.

The ending felt force. Hopefully its not as bad as I think it is. Do leave a feedback 


End file.
